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How to Create Leverage with a Narcissist

create leverage with a narcissist

Rebecca Zung never planned to become a lawyer who specializes in negotiating with narcissists. Now, it’s her full-time gig. During the pandemic, she started posting on YouTube. Her videos have now been viewed over 20 million times. She’s sold thousands of copies worldwide of her course called “SLAY Your Negotiation with a Narcissist.”

But how did she become specialized in narcissism? What led her to become a leading expert on winning negotiations with narcissists?

How did Rebecca become an expert on narcissism?

Rebecca was looking for a way to stop practicing law full-time. She wanted to launch digital courses to teach negotiation skills. So she started sharing YouTube videos on the topic. She’d cover things like “How to get a pay raise” or “Clothing color psychology in negotiations.” But they didn’t gain any traction.

Five years ago, Rebecca merged her practice with two partners so she could branch out into other ventures. One of the ventures she went into ended up being with a covert narcissist. It was the worst experience of Rebecca’s life—a complete nightmare. But it led to an epiphany.

She decided she wouldn’t allow herself to be impacted by that toxic person. But she didn’t know that person was a narcissist at the time. She just knew that she had to get herself out of that situation.

Then someone told her that this person was a covert narcissist. She started reading book after book and realized she could apply what she learned about narcissism to what she knew about negotiation.

She made one video about “How to negotiate with a narcissist” and suddenly had 650 views. She realized she was onto something.

Rebecca knew her story could help others

Rebecca didn’t know if she wanted to be known as “The Narcissist Queen.” But she did know she could help people with her story. So she decided to tell it. It was time to get over the blame and shame and be authentic and honest. She started telling people, “If it can happen to me, it can happen to anybody.”

Narcissists attach themselves to you because you have so much to give. They’re good at what they do. They know how to manipulate you. She started educating people on recognizing narcissistic behavior while sharing her story. Rebecca is deeply motivated to help people break free from toxic relationships and help them negotiate their best lives. It all starts with creating leverage.

How to create leverage with a narcissist

So how do you create leverage with a narcissist? “Leverage” is one piece of Rebecca’s formula for negotiating with narcissists:

  • S: Develop a strategy
  • L: Create leverage
  • A: Anticipate
  • Y: Focus on you and your case

Leverage is focused around the diamond and co-level supply. Diamond-level supply is about how a narcissist looks to others (they strive for an impressive career, impressive friends, etc.). Co-level supply is achieved when a narcissist manipulates people.

You have to create a situation where the narcissist feels like their diamond-level supply will be threatened or exposed. It’s playing the long game. You present it in a way that makes them feel like they only have two options: the one you want or the alternative where they feel exposed.

The goal is to get them to let go of the co-level supply and stop jerking you around. You have to build leverage strategically and methodically. Rebecca teaches people how to do this step-by-step in her course. Learn more about negotiating with narcissists in episode #345 of Negotiations Ninja!