One of Joe Hart’s goals when he joined Dale Carnegie was to bring Dale Carnegie’s principles to more people. He co-wrote “Take Command” with Michael Cromm to build on the ideas in “How to Win Friends and Influence People” and “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.”
Dale Carnegie developed some incredible wisdom that is relevant today, especially as connected as the world is. They simply wanted to include more stories relevant to today’s audience, things like imposter syndrome, the social media comparison trap, and even technology. They want to impact the next generation with the same principles that transformed their lives.
One of the principles they dive into in the book is learning how to take command of your relationships (because they’re the foundation for everything else).
Taking command of your relationships
Relationships are a critical part of everything that we do. The quality of your life is driven by the quality of your relationships. Are you empathetic? Can you communicate, influence, listen, appreciate, and develop trust?
You have to work on yourself before you can develop relationships. If you’re suspicious, fearful, insecure, and angry, you’ll struggle to build relationships with others. You have to change your mindset first.
Salespeople can be more effective if they learn to listen to and speak to their clients’ interests. If you want to be successful, focus on how you interact with others. That includes ditching, criticizing, grumbling, and complaining.
Why you need to stop criticizing others
Who are the people you want to be around? Who are the people you don’t like to be around? People dread Thanksgiving with their families because they know they’ll be criticized, condemned, and blamed. If you want to be the kind of person that other people want to be around, you need to be aware that criticism will undermine your relationships.
What impact does it make if you’re constantly criticizing someone else? It’s disempowering. Taking command assumes that you take 100% responsibility. People have issues because they don’t articulate their boundaries (or don’t have them).
If your boss says, “Hey, I need you to work over the weekend,” and you don’t say anything, that’s on you. You can’t grumble and complain about your boss. You have to take responsibility, set boundaries, and stand up for yourself.
Criticizing can be a veil that blocks your sight from the responsibility or the things that you can do.
Be an intentional leader
Joe recently spoke to MBA students at a university in Ohio. One of the topics he discussed was leadership and the lessons he’s learned.
As a lawyer, he used to do everything himself. When you get into business, to be effective as a leader, you have to learn how to work effectively with other people to build a team. If you can’t do that, you won’t be as successful as you could be.
A leader is someone who can bring out the best in other people to achieve great results together. Your job is to help others achieve their goals and do well in their careers. That will not only help you build a stronger relationship but help them be more effective.
The reality is that we live in connection with other people. Life is more fulfilling when we’ve built good relationships. To achieve what you want in life, you need to be able to work together.
It all comes full circle back to one thing: You have to change yourself first. Joe shares some ways you can shift your mindset in episode #445 of Negotiations Ninja.