What does it cost people and organizations not to listen? Are you solving the wrong problems? Or worse, are you losing relationships, customers, and potential opportunities? The cost of not listening could cripple you and your organization. Christine Miles joins me in this episode of Negotiations Ninja to address that very problem.
Christine Miles is the founder and CEO of EQuipt, a “Training and consulting company that helps organizations grow sales, develop people, and create cultures of understanding.” Ultimately, they help equip people with the skills they need to elevate their EQ. Listening is the foundation of the house. Without it, you can’t build emotional intelligence.
Outline of This Episode
- [1:45] Learn more about Christine Miles
- [2:35] The cost of not listening
- [4:00] Are you solving the wrong problems?
- [5:38] Why people struggle to listen
- [7:08] What is transformational listening?
- [9:10] How to become present in listening
- [12:30] Stop asking leading questions
- [14:02] “Take me back to the beginning”
- [18:31] The unwillingness to go deeper
What is the cost of not listening?
It’s a question that isn’t asked enough. Christine points out that no one is educated on how to listen. She has a master’s degree in psychology from an Ivy League school and is a certified structural family therapist. She was never taught how to listen. So the problem becomes, how do you know what it’s costing you if you don’t know that you’re not doing it well?
Everyone thinks listening is important. But no one knows how to do it well. Yet not listening will cost you relationships, customers, and all kinds of opportunities. It may also lead to solving the wrong problems.
Are you solving the wrong problems?
Everyone tends to rush to the problem that they think needs solving rather than understanding what the problem is first. You have to listen to understand. Christine learned to listen at a young age because my mother had mental health problems. She saw a woman that was beautiful, loving, and charismatic but was in tremendous pain no one could see. Christine saw the dichotomy. She also knew she was successful because she learned to listen at a young age. We need to learn to tune into what’s underneath the surface.
What is transformational listening?
Many people struggle to listen because they haven’t been taught the technique. So how do you listen in a transformational way to understand and uncover? Christine has deconstructed the process of listening and includes it in her book, “What Is It Costing You Not To Listen: The Power of Understanding to Connect, Influence, Solve & Sell.”
Transformational listening is the new gold standard. It used to be paying attention, being present, being empathetic, and asking really good questions. But these are just the “whats” of listening—not the “how.” If you only utilize these tactics, you will underachieve. You’re only proving that you pay attention.
Transformational listening is understanding, not just hearing. Depending on how you’re socialized most people don’t know how to tap into emotions. When you listen differently—and feel with the person—empathy follows.
Resources & People Mentioned
- What Is It Costing You Not To Listen: The Power of Understanding to Connect, Influence, Solve & Sell
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